Monday 6th August 2018
One day I was walking through the woods and I stopped.
I saw this Magic door,
I was trying to see what was inside but all I could see was this blue glass.
I touched it and it teleported me to this place called Paradise Palms,
I looked at everything and people were wearing like different costumes.
I saw this Magic door,
I was trying to see what was inside but all I could see was this blue glass.
I touched it and it teleported me to this place called Paradise Palms,
I looked at everything and people were wearing like different costumes.
While I was walking a guy stopped by and said
“My name is Drift, I said my name is George.
He then said hop in because He was in a Golf cart,
there was a boy at the back and his name was Meki aka King_Meki.
Meki
was in this vest,
wearing a hat, wearing gloves,
wearing glasses, has long hair and has a beard.
We went to eat at this place called Durr Burger.
“My name is Drift, I said my name is George.
He then said hop in because He was in a Golf cart,
there was a boy at the back and his name was Meki aka King_Meki.
Meki
was in this vest,
wearing a hat, wearing gloves,
wearing glasses, has long hair and has a beard.
We went to eat at this place called Durr Burger.
Hi George, My name is Maya, I am a year 7 student from Glenbrae school and I would like to give you feedback on your writing.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I would like to say that your writing is pretty interesting but not as interesting as I thought it would be. But that doesn't mean that your not good at writing you can still develop by adding things such as Aaawwubbis, Fanboys, Complex Interrupters, Noun Phrases and also Crafting your sentences to make them sound more interesting to read.
Second of all, Your writing isn't that bad at all but if you would like to know more about what the things I just mentioned to add in your writing please contact me or feel free to visit my blog and have a look at some of my writing.
Please fell free to email me if you have any concern with anything I said about your writing.(Down below is my email.)
maya2hn3hgv@glenbrae.school.nz
Keep up the great effort George! Well done!
Yours sincerely,
Maya Griffiths!